Indeed I remember

Indeed I remember

A Mathematician’s Tale Through Death and Back

Indeed I remember,

Not long protracted. 

No part even slightly subtracted, 

From these ideas exacted. 

Yes...my mind so young —so new— so burgeoning with unrepentant gladness. 

Couldn’t have seen what soon would follow —the unbridle madness! 

YES! I recall now —the why and the how! 

As I sat there listening to teacher growl, 

What sages of old had made her so bold?! 

Yet idle no-MORE! 

Free, am I, from this do-nothing dull-roar. 

Time now to leave the trance of this fold! 

My mind gone away —transcended— a world untold. 

She hadn’t comprehended —what I saw— no teacher apprehended! 

An angel? Nay! —Too definite this shinning apparition! 

My mind —My SOUL had managed nuclear fission! 

YES! I was free! 

So young had the Father given me, 

A charter for life that could ne’er be told! 

Let he with an ear listen to this tale unfold. 

Hark! The questions I’ve asked, the answers I’ve got, 

May help you transcend the supernatural blind-spot. 

Yet, still here, 

Now quite without fear, 

I pass on my lesson in this writ here.

My Lord, MY GOD! —What can I do for the one who holds the Iron Rod?! 

He smiles with a nod. 

And though I were blest, 

He points to my chest.

In there you’ll find, 

What must be refined. 

Though in second grade, I remember the day, 

Profound statements were made! 

But My Lord, My GOD, I cried!

What can I do for you …Who am I? 

But as suddenly as He’d come, 

Did I feel I were shunned. 

For His Light had gone, 

His song been sung. 

He left me with a question. 

Leaving scars in my pride,
For years I tried, 

To fabricate an answer —Why? 

What was this He’d given me? 

Why left me in perpetual lone-ly?

Not long before others followed –Who Am I? –What Is Real? 

—Life After Death?! —MY GOD THIS IS SO SURREAL! 

My mind spun its wheel.

Night and Day I searched,

So these questions I could SLAY! 

By the power of thought, 

I must be free from this state of caught. 

Lest I be a blot, 

On this cognitive Mobiüs knot! 

Yet try as I may, there ne’er came a day, 

The day innocence I would reclaim —to keep evil at bay! 

For this was my lot, 

To dwell in ignorance —how my soul was wrought! 

Why had He made it so? 

What was I to know? 

Soon it would get worse, 

The symptoms of my late sanity, 

The existence of my humanity, 

Less clear than before. 

The demons I fought, darker, far deadlier, than those of mere lore. 

Indeed they were winning! 

Made me less than beginning! 

My Lord, My God, Why have you forsaken ME?! 

Will Thou hear my plea?! 

My plight more desperate than ever, 

Continue to fight and prolong this endeavor? 

Mephistopheles, I beckon you, come in. 

For I am already condemned. 

What would you have me do? 

…To know what is right, 

You must depart from the light…

Handed me these pills, 

Consciousness, said he, it kills. 

Even made my bed, 

Ne’er to tell the end …I would be dead. 

Now I lay me down to sleep, 

The trials of my past, soon to reap. 

It came upon me fast —that horrifying dark —so deep —so vast. 

I cried out to God. Yet hear me He would not! 

My soul could ne’er be bought. 

For I had sold it for naught. 

What to do now but cry? 

On no one to rely. 

No shoulder to lean, 

No wisdom to glean. 

Indeed, this was the end, 

No hope ‘round the bend. 

My charter tossed —I had truly lost…

Something up ahead…

What waits for the souls slain for suicide, I wonder, in apathetic dread.

But there were no demons, no hurt, no fire, save the the grief my sin did inspire.

For caught between two planes: I was a boy, once deceased, and now a man charged with his murder ‘long-side the fork-tong’ed liar. 

Now into eternal dark, to forever shoulder my sorrow, 

And mourn the life, I deprived of tomorrow.

Yet, now something new, a shimmer of light up ahead.

Could it be that I was not truly dead?! 

My eyes renewed of their sight —sure sign that His might, 

Had prevailed against the unholy night! 

Soon I was up. Yet, different than before. 

Dear God, I can handle no more! 

If I’m alive, please show yourself on-high! 

Yes Lord, I submit to you, dear Adonai! 

I have given you a second chance. 

If ever you doubt, look into the starlit expanse. 

For I am yet greater,

I make your road straighter.  

And again He was gone —just like before. 

Yet my soul now in state of restore! 

Delivered I was from this mental holy-war.

I continued to gaze at the sky —The answers were coming! 

The genius so stunning!

Look away I could not! 

My problems forgot.

Praise God! —He hadn’t left me at all. 

He is my parent —taught me to walk when I could but crawl.

From that day on, I lived with resolve,

To help those in need —their problems I might solve. 

For in overcoming these, 

I was granted the keys 

To a world of old,

Indeed, more timeless than gold,

A reliquary of treasures in a cosmos untold.